Somebody I use to know...

Lately this song by Goyte has been popping up everywhere in my life... From seeing this on my friend's FB wall to the original video reminding me of a close friend and their art to the nonstop repeat playback (really not going to lie I’ve probably listened/watched this on youtube 40 to 50 times). But also, this song hits home... reminding me of somebody (who I coincidentally ran into and got a text from last night). Last week while at “Bitch” Bingo I was talking with beautiful soul about how we need to let things go and while I have let a lot of stuff go I really haven’t forgiven my “Somebody I use to know”.


Here’s the harshness of the situation... Yes, I fell in love but I fell in love for the wrong reasons... You were controlling, manipulative, you twisted things. Blood pressures sky rocketed because of you, you lied in so many ways, fabrication = disgust. You took my rose colored glasses off from the world and made me build a wall making it hard for others to see in... You hurt me more than you loved me...

When we got together I “Told myself that you were right for me” but in the end “felt so lonely in your company” I honestly don’t know why it lasted as long as it did, probably because I didn’t see everything that was going on behind the curtain and only after parting ways was I revealed the truth. Or the fact that “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.” I hated how I felt like a caged animal, I want/ed to be somebody and with you I felt like a dog with a shock collar, I was given space but the second I started to venture, to see the world... zzZZZaaaPPP!

Yes, the sour is still in my mouth, HOW COULD YOU? WHAT IN YOUR RIGHT MIND WOULD MAKE YOU SAY AND DO THE THINGS YOU DID?! Not everything was bad but I read somewhere, that in life for every bad thing you do it take 3 good things to balance it out... So in our case it feels like it will take you a lifetime to redeem yourself. Yes, you helped me and stood by me when times got dark but I also felt like you were an anchoring force driving me there. There were so many hidden motives with you. I didn’t want to live that way, I didn’t want the toxic of us in my life anymore, I felt like I was your drug that as much as you hated drama it feed your inner soul... I had to cut you out, and to tell you we would still be friends was a way to make it not so hard because “I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over.”

I do however wish to move on from this taste, I don’t want to always look back and wished it had never happened and that we were nothing. But it is really hard when I think about how you screwed me over, how I don’t know what was real and fake and what you really said or did and if there were hidden agendas behind everything that was done. I hope you find yourself and know that even though this seems like a pointing of a finger, I know it takes two to tango and I had a part in everything that happened. That in the twisting of an Oreo both sides get icing it’s just one that has more.

Hopefully by expressing myself I can move on because I don’t want extra weight in my life but I will choose to “treat you like a stranger” and “I’m sorry if it feels so rough.”