As said in a previous post, I’ve known I’ve liked girls since the ripe age of 4... it was a lifeguard... I didn’t know what sex was but I knew I wanted to hold her hand! Since that day I’ve idolized Squints Palledorous (Sandlot) after drowning in a pool just so Wendy Peffercorn could resuscitate him! I guess you could say all that oiling and lotioning got to me...!
Growing up, I loved taking care of little girls and staring endlessly at the older ones. I was the one to give the piggyback rides, the one who wanted to play house just so I could hold their hand or give them hugs, I loved looking at how pretty they were and helping them to their feet. But I was also so scared to let anyone know... (looking back it was so obvious) heck I was to scared to kiss a girl... that is except for one who will be kept a secret because when she found out I was gay... well let’s just say she wouldn’t even friend me on fb! haha!
Anyway, it wasn’t till 7th grade when I came out... I thought gay was a disease from the way people acted about it but I wanted to let it out because I just couldn’t keep it in any longer. I wanted to talk about girls like all the other guys. So, I sat my mom down while my dad was away on a business trip and told her I liked girls. She said “I like girls to...” and I said “no... I really like girls... like I want to take them on dates and treat them like princesses... I feel like I was born in the wrong body, that I should be like my brother and I got the short end of the stick.” (Or should I say No Stick) She looked at me and said “oh... is that why people make fun of you... did you hit on them?... I figured since you were yay high... I just want you to be happy... let’s keep this a secret.” She of course told my father when he returned to town. I was so scared of making him disappointed, I wanted to like who I liked, love who I loved and not be looked down upon. So, I turned the other way. He thought it was a phase and after trying to like boys in high school and having a fear of only having butch girls like me, for I had never seen a girl like me with a girl like Gisele. But after a crazy whirlwind of an experience happened when I was 18, I threw my hands up and became open and proud when I stepped out of the car and into college. Let’s get one thing “straight” though, I hate rainbows and rainbow wear. I only will wear it if it was Pride or if it's was tye dye and I'm hangin out at a music festival!
Someone once asked me, "Loren, will you ever be straight?!"
I looked at them and said "Yeah, when I become a guy."
Today my parents are ok with me being gay but as far as being trans... That’s a whole other story. I went to trans therapy for a brief moment in college but after an extreme incident, I found it easier to be non-gender based. And it would have been a whole lot easier if Facebook would have let me kept my gender under wraps but with the new timeline came the mandatory selection... I say don’t think of me as a girl, don’t think of me as a guy... just look at me as Loren and I promise to melt your hearts while making you laugh!
